Choosing to SEE

In December of 2006, my mom and I were in Vietnam adopting Ian.  The only way we had to communicate with those back home was via e-mail (that might not be entirely true, but I’ll confess that hearing the girls’ voices on the phone would have reduced me to a big ball of homesick mush – so I opted for e-mail communication only). 

I recall sitting down at one of the computers in the hotel lobby, and seeing an e-mail from Brian about Shaohannah’s Hope (now called Show Hope).  We had applied for a grant months earlier and had pretty much assumed we hadn’t been chosen.  But, while I was 1/2 way around the world, Brian received the letter that we had been chosen.  Could the timing have been any more perfect?!  It was a total God-thing.

I remember applying for the grant and feeling such a connection with the Chapman family.  Anyone who has adopted probably knows what I mean.  Adoptive families just somehow connect with other adoptive families (I also see this in the homeschool community).  There’s a shared bond there.  I had followed them through their own adoption journeys.  I appreciated seeing them as “real” people and not so much famous, out-of-reach people.

About a year after returning home with Ian, we were invited to help work in a Shaohannah’s Hope booth at a local venue where Steven was performing.  We jumped at the chance, even being told that we wouldn’t get to meet him.  After all, we had received a grant from them, and this was a great opportunity to give something back.  We had forgotten to take our camera with us, so grabbed a disposal on the way – just in case.  As it turned out, we did get to go backstage after the concert and meet Steven!  (that’s the short story)

I was amazed by how down to earth and genuine he was.  It was late and we were all tired – I’m sure he more than the rest of us, after having just performed on stage for hours.  But, he took the time to interact with all of us – right down to noticing Gracie’s shoes and commenting that his daughter had the exact same pair!  I asked if they shop at Target and he said “all the time!”

When their sweet Maria went home to be with Jesus, I wept for their family.  I felt as though I had lost a part of my own family and I couldn’t even begin to fathom the depth of their pain and suffering.  What a tragedy! 

This past Mother’s Day, Ashley blessed me with Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman.  Can I just say “WOW!” What a great book!

Grief is a journey many of us take at one time or another. For the Chapman family their journey began with the accidental death of their 5 year old daughter, Maria Sue, whom they adopted from China. In Choosing to SEE, Mary Beth Chapman shares her struggles with the tragic loss of Maria Sue, her journey to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth and the Chapmans choose to see with faith and hope. Foreword by Steven Curtis Chapman.

“I've told my kids for years that God doesn't make mistakes," writes Mary Beth Chapman, wife of Grammy award winning recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman. "Would I believe it now, when my whole world as I knew it came to an end?" Covering her courtship and marriage to Steven Curtis Chapman, struggles for emotional balance, and living with grief, Mary Beth's story is our story--wondering where God is when the worst happens. In Choosing to SEE, she shows how she wrestles with God even as she has allowed him to write her story--both during times of happiness and those of tragedy. Readers will hear firsthand about the loss of her daughter, the struggle to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth Chapman Chooses to SEE. Includes a 16-page full color photo insert.

I just absolutely devoured this book! I so appreciated Mary Beth’s openness and honesty.  She shared things that I know had to be very difficult to share.  But, in doing so, she made herself very real. 

The Chapman family has suffered great loss.  And the pain is still very fresh and still very much affecting their daily lives.  But, it’s so great to see them laying their lives at the feet of Jesus and their willingness to serve God through their pain.  I believe that God is using this entire family in a mighty way. 

While this book will be of particular interest to those who have adopted and/or those who have suffered loss, I believe that everyone would gain by reading it.  I know I sure did!  And the bond I felt with this sweet family before has deepened.  I don’t know that I’ll ever have opportunity to meet any of the rest of the Chapman family in this lifetime, but I’m planning a big hug for Mary Beth when we meet in heaven.  And I’m looking forward to seeing their sweet Maria Sue (I wonder if she’s hanging with my friend Sue?)!

Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman ~ and a giveaway!

CONTEST CLOSED!  The winners are commenters 10 and 13.  Congratulations!

Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families – and America (The Harvard Common Press, April 2011, 352 pages, ISBN 978-1-55832-716-0, $16.95 paperback) takes on the challenge of explaining the historic changes enveloping us all – and does so with a unique combination of engaging prose, gripping stories, insightful perspective and exceptional research.

Its author, Adam Pertman, is one of the most influential experts in his field and Adoption Nation has been called “the most important book ever written on the subject.”

Inspired by his Pulitzer-nominated series while a reporter with the Boston Globe, the first edition of Adoption Nation (2000) captured an important piece of U.S. history and was a game-changer for child welfare professionals, policy-makers, and members of what Pertman calls “the extended family of adoption” (adopted individuals, birth and adoptive relatives).

The new, fully revised edition updates the “adoption revolution” with all of its joys and disappointments, its personal and policy issues, its complexities and controversies.

“There’s no exaggerating how much has occurred over the last decade – from the adoptive mother who recently ‘returned’ her son to Russia, to the children orphaned by the earthquake in Haiti; from the ongoing debate over transracial adoptions, to the still-unregulated Wild West of adoption on the Internet; from the decline in secrecy and shame in adoption, to the explosion of reunions between adopted people and their birth families; and from the precipitous drop in international adoptions to the soaring rise in adoptions of boys and girls from foster care, including by growing numbers of gay and lesbian parents,” said Pertman. “When I looked at the landscape, I felt compelled to do a thorough rewrite of the stories, of the research and of the phenomenon itself.”

More comprehensive, more up-to-date, more moving – and more useful – than any other book on the subject, the new edition of Adoption Nation is an invaluable resource for prospective and current parents and their children. And it is a passionate call-to-arms for equality and social justice, as well as a unique tool for educators, policymakers and professionals.

ADAM PERTMAN is the Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, the pre-eminent research, policy and education organization in its field. A highly sought-after speaker, Pertman has delivered hundreds of keynotes, trainings and other presentations internationally, and is the recipient of many awards for his work. He is the Associate Editor of Adoption Quarterly and has contributed to numerous publications on family issues. Pertman is widely quoted by journalists and has appeared as a guest on “Oprah,” “Today,” “The View,” “Nightline,” among other national programs. Before embarking on his current career, Pertman was a senior journalist with The Boston Globe for over two decades. He is a member of the Council on Contemporary Families, the editorial advisory board of Adoptive Families magazine, the National Adoption Advisory Committee of the Child Welfare League of America and the Advisory Board of Orphans International, among others. He lives in Massachusetts with his wife and their two children. Learn more at www.adampertman.com.   

Heidi Says . . . as an adoptive parent myself, I was anxious to the opportunity to see and review this book.  I had never seen the previous version of it, so don’t have anything to compare this edition to, but this  book is BIG and FULL.  It’s divided into 3 main sections (each section containing 3 chapters):

• Don’t Whisper, Don’t Lie – It’s Not a Secret Anymore
  Adoption is no longer the hush-hush thing that it once was.  More and more children are being adopted that it’s becoming a way of life.  I bet that most every family out there knows of at least one other family whose lives have been touched by adoption in some way.  No more secrecy, people, let’s shout it from the mountaintops!
• Sensitive Issues, Lifelong Process
  This section covers issues such as why people chose to adopt and some of the issues that may arise in adopted kids (seeking identify,  etc.)
• Tough Challenges in a Promising Future
  This section covers those topics that are often not covered – such as the “problems” with the foster care system in the U.S. these days, the costs involved in adoption and why they are so high, and how adoption has changed over the years. 

I have THREE COPIES of this book to give away and would really like to give it to ADOPTIVE FAMILIES or FAMILIES IN-PROCESS or CONSIDERING ADOPTION.  If you fit into one of those categories, please simply leave a comment on this post telling me why this book appeals to you.  That’s it – no extra entries this time! 

I’ll draw 3 random winners next Monday, April 11th, at noon (EST).

NOTE: I received a free copy of this book in order to write this post. I was not influenced in any way nor did I receive any further compensation. The giveaway copies will be provided by the publisher.

“What do you have to show for it in 10 years?”

The other morning, as I was laying in bed, the idea for this post came to me.  I would have posted it yesterday (as the goal has been to post something on my blog each day this month) – but, unfortunately, I ended up with the flu.  Ugh!  Anyway - - -

In the fall of 1998, my best friend Sue and I were working the Home & Garden Party booth at the local fair.  We saw a lady pushing a little Asian girl in a stroller. Sue knew that I had a heart for adoption (and we had lost a baby the year before due to an ectopic pregnancy).  She really encouraged me to strike up a conversation with the lady. 

She gave me the name of the adoption agency she had used – we ended up using that same agency for Gracie’s adoption.  But, something she said really stuck with me.  She said “You could go out and spend the same amount of money on a new car; but what would you have to show for it in 10 years?” 

I talked the other week about our van, and the fact that we’re going to need to replace it.  Thinking of that reminded me of the conversation I had at the fair.  It all came back to me.  In October of 2000, Brian and I traveled to Vietnam to adopt Gracie.  During that same time, my parents bought the van. 

10 years (and a few months) later, though it still looks just fine, we really don’t have much to show for the van.  However, we have this:

Sure, adoption is a big expense.  It might require some juggling of the finances, and some sacrifices.  But, let me be the first to tell you, IT’S WORTH IT!  So much more worth it than any car!

(I’m dating this post for yesterday – because I had good intentions!)