Monday, November 22, 2010

Draining Relationships

I’m going to go out on a limb here and ask - - - Have you ever been involved in a friendship-relationship that has just sucked the life right of you?  In other words, do you put more into your friendships than you are getting out of them?  Do you feel like any of your friendships are one-sided (like you are doing all the work)?  Do you try to maintain contact with people, only to be rejected and/or ignored?

I’m the type of person that likes lasting relationships.  I’m loyal; so, once I’m your friend, I want to always be your friend.  The older I get, though, the more I realize that it’s probably very unrealistic (in this day and age) to expect that from others.  People are so wrapped up in themselves these days.  They don’t have time – or aren’t willing to make time – for others. 

Maybe they only contact you on their terms, or when they need you for something.  You might respond, only to not hear  from them again for days, weeks, or even months. 

Am I the only one who finds myself in situations like this?  If not, and you have been there, done that, please share what you have done to deal with or remedy the situation(s).  Have you continued to try?  Or have you given up, cut your losses, and walked away?

If a friendship is causing you stress, what do you do?


Carrie said...

Did you write this post or did I write this post? I can't tell.

Does that answer your question?

Rebecca (me!) said...

OH yes.....I have learnedt o just take a step back....and let the relationship grow if it is meant to and God is in it....orjust accept that like so many, that frienship was for a season of life...and perhaps a new season will rekindle the relationship. If not, seeing the beauty in what it was....and not allowing myself to become bitter or hurt if it ceases to grow or start again.

Melissa said...

Boy oh Boy can we relate to this in our fact Bridgette and I started an anonymous blog about just this subject. I'd could tell you the name of the blog...but then I'd have to...well you know how the saying goes ;-) LOL

I've pretty much experienced this my whole life, and it was so sad to see the same thing happening to Bridgette. So we can sympatize with each other!

I honestly don't know what the answer is. And whether it's wrong or not, I'm just determined to let it go...I like you Heidi, consider myself a loyal friend...but it gets so disappointing to keep trying with nothing to really show for it. I'm more than willing to be a great friend, but if the other person isn't, then I guess I have to consider it their loss.

Heidi... said...

I honestly thought relationships would get easier as I got older and sometimes I find the opposite to be true. Praying for you in this!

On a side note, I thought of you today when a friend here in Northern IN was talking about Sight and Sound... made me think of Lancaster Co which eventually made me think of you... ; )

Kathryn said...

Wow...what an encouragement to me to see someone else feels like this. Friendships are VERY precious to me, like you. I am a loyal friend to the death. But I have gotten to a point in my life where I can tell if someone is truly my friend or not. I have had a couple this year that I had to call it quits with because the stress was just too much, and the feeling like I was not important to them at all. I guess I shouldn't say it's good to see someone else feels this way, because it's not good. I'm sorry you have gone through the same thing :(

Vickie said...

I've been there and done that. I've never had lots of friends at one time (the crew being the largest group of friends I've ever had). There have been a couple relationships that I had to let go. They were draining me, and it was showing in the family. One was my sister. No, I haven't written her off, but she is soooo negative that I would come home from visiting for the afternoon and be negative. My family finally asked me to stop visiting for more than an hour every few months. That was....20 years ago. A couple other friends and one of my took my wise oldest daughter to tell me that even the Lord tells us to "walk away". For self preservation, and preservation of my family...I had to let go. It hurt at first, big time, but over time, it was the best thing to do. I'm happier, my family is happier. HUGS to you my friend. It isn't easy.

Brenda Emmett said...

Can I just say that as I read your post, I had to do a double check and make sure this wasn't my own blog? LOL! I keep telling you that you are my sister or my twin. Our mother's just don't know it. ;)

Sorry you are going through this. Friends just really suck sometimes.

Love you!

momma24 said...

I just got out of a relationship that turned into something very unhealthy. This person was spending all her time with me and my family and started saying things like how much she loved the girls and needed to see them to fell better. She started depending on us to be at her beck and call all the time. She got mad at me for taking my dd to a movie that she thought she and I should go to. My dh was worried that she was trying to insinuate herself into my place by being there to 'help' when I wasn't around. It was hard to cut her out of our lives bc I wanted to help her and I really did like her as a friend. I tried to tell her that the relationship was unhealthy but she wouldn't hear it and got very ugly with me. I am learning to guard my heart a little more closely and to not be afraid to tell someone that we can't be friends.

Jodi said...

I am waaay behind on my blog reading, apparently! I think it's sad but true...some friendships go thru seasons, but I, like you, feel that once I am your friend, it's forever. I have had a few friendships go that way, then pick up again later. I am very forgiving in that sense, but sometimes it is hard to do that over and over again and still feel worthy, and not taken advantage of. Hugs to you, my sweet friend, and sorry to tell ya, but you're stuck with me! HA! :) :)

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